Despite fear of rejection, overwhelm about not having enough time AND a casual identity crisis.
Psst: This is part 3 in a series. You can find part 1 here and part 2 here.
If reading part 2 left you feeling a little unsatisfied, don't worry – it did the same for me. Because we barely got to scratch the surface in that piece. And truth be told, I think I was avoiding going deeper because of where I was at in my own process.
But good news: Your girl has been been experiencing all sorts of discomfort, resistance and obstacles since writing part 2 and it's forced her (how did I end up writing in 3rd person??) to do her favourite thing (see also: the thing she has a love/hate relationship with) which is to be her own crash test dummy for figuring out how to navigate this.
So today, after giving you a bit more context on why I've been finding this period particularly challenging, I'm going to walk you through the 7 things I've had to adopt/do/practice which have all played a part in allowing me to move forward rather than getting stuck in a rut (something that was happening far more frequently in 2023 & 2024!)
Hi, I'm Kat, and I've been having (another) professional identity crisis
At this point it may look like I take professional pivots in my stride. From professional performer to real estate agent, freelance copywriter to course creator and eventually personal branding coach (and this is skipping at least 3 minor career experiments), I've done nothing but pivot over the last 20 years. And yet this current one hits different.
I've spent far too long navel gazing, attempting to understand why this seems to be so much more challenging than any other pivot, and why it's been a multiple year process compared with past pivots that usually happened within months. Sometimes overnight. And I don't think it's any single thing -- I've narrowed it down to a few root causes.
Root cause #1: Further to fall
Most of my previous pivots were survival based moves. Realising I couldn't keep (or afford to keep) doing what I was doing any longer because it was costing me mentally, emotionally, physically and/or financially. So I'd find something else to try and leap straight into it with, honestly, very little to lose and sooo much to gain.
This time around, despite an evolution being necessary, I'm doing it from a completely different place. Firstly, I've been at this far longer. While my professional endeavour timeline used to range from 6-24 months, I've been doing this very thing for 6 years now (with an additional 4 years in a related field) and I've achieved a lot of success with it. Incredible clients & testimonials, consistent 6 figure years, a reputation that has meant total strangers from around the trust me enough to pay for my help, often within days of discovering me.
By some miracle, my business model and existing visibility has meant that despite taking my foot off the gas for the past 2 years (to heal from chronic health stuff) and do zero marketing, I kept bringing in enough clients to pay myself, my taxes, and hell, even pay off my student loan debt last year.
In short, I've never had something so solid in place. It's the closest I've ever come to "adulting". So my logical mind (and fear-driven ego) thinks I must be nuts to want to change anything.
Root cause #2: Fear of rejection
What people don't realise when they're desperate to grow an audience is that it's a blessing and a curse. See, when you have a tiny audience, the expectations placed on you are tiny too. The larger the audience, the more they start to expect things from you. They have expectation around what you share, how you share, even "who you are" in relation to who they are.
It was about 3 years ago that I started feeling the urge to shift my message and branch out beyond what I'd traditionally shared about personal branding & marketing. The urge came because my own lived experience had shown me that what I'd talked about previously was scratching the surface of what personal branding, visibility & "success" is really all about. And yet I started to get scared of breaking out of the box I'd put myself in, worried that people would be upset that I was no longer "delivering on what I promised".
On a deeper level, I believe there was also a hint of "the witch wound" playing out. Because what I wanted to talk about could be considered spiritual or "woo". But also it was straight up different. Definitely not the typical content you see about branding/marketing in a world that's obsessed with strategy and logic.
And unlike past versions of myself where I did the thing without a second thought, I kept over-thinking things, fell out of routine with content creation and basically started hiding. Which, of course, only allowed that fear to take root.
Root cause #3: New identity, who dis?
What else has been quietly playing out over the past 7 years (but which heated up over the past 3) has been a major deconditioning process. An unbecoming. Where I was slowly letting go of the false parts of my self that were created throughout my life as a means of survival, but which also meant hiding/rejecting parts of my true Self. My “soft centre” as I call it/them.
Between inner child work, shadow work, and the natural deconditioning process that's helped through systems like Human Design & The Gene Keys, I basically shed my fake skin and started to reveal a very fragile, vulnerable and previously unknown me.
Now this is obviously a wonderful thing. But it doesn't come without challenges.
This new me didn't have the same sense of self — of identity. It was motivated by completely different things. For instance, where past me was all about pushing through to prove a point and achieving success regardless of the cost, real me is motivated through a desire for authenticity, connection, and impact through service while having zero interest in pushing, forcing or "engineering" success.
So not only did I have all that fear to deal with, I was also like Bambi learning how to walk. Every time I tried to do things the old way, I'd hit a massive, immovable wall. It became obvious that I wasn't going to be able to force my way through this. I had to learn how to flow my way through. Which takes a lot more time. (At least initially -- it's also a helluva lot more sustainable!)
Getting myself unstuck
Now I'm not writing this to you "from the other side" having completely rebuilt my business (a work in progress) and integrated the new me into all my messaging/content. However, I'm making steady progress -- which is all I could really ask for. Particularly since the process is providing me with the learning and growth needed to even be ready to reveal my whole Self (and brand/business) to the world.
And the progress hasn't come by accident. Learning how to navigate this challenging period with grace and gentleness (yet focus and determination) become a full-time job. And because I'm someone who, by design, loves to "go first", test things out and then report back on what works (and what doesn't) I've been documenting the process. Which brings us to what I'm here to share with you.
While there have been maaany more things I've explored, tested, practiced etc over the last few years, the following 7 things have been the most helpful in giving me what I need to consistently make progress, learn and grow. Basically they're what stopped me looping in circles. And I'm hoping that they'll be able to help you too.
Unblocker #1: Self-compassion
The only way to guarantee you don't move forward is to resist where you are. And if you want to even go backwards, throw in some self-criticism while you're at it.
I mean it. It is essential that you give yourself a break here and treat yourself the way you'd treat someone you love dearly. I can tell you from experience (and from what I've observed clients): brute-force is no longer a viable way to make progress.
You're not stuck because you're failing, doing something wrong or are inherently broken. This resistance exists for a reason. Often because a young, vulnerable part of you is genuinely scared about what you're trying to do. There's likely past trauma involved (and I don't mean "Big T" trauma - though it absolutely could be). And at the very least, a fear of rejection. A fear that if you reveal the real you, do this radically authentic thing, no one will want it/you. And it'll prove your deepest fear: that you're not enough.
So please ease off the tough love. It doesn't help. And instead switch your focus to accepting where you're at, understanding that this is genuinely challenging (for everyone, not just you), and looking for ways to show yourself compassion. Which might involve taking things slower and brings us to...
Unblocker #2: Patience
It took me far to long to realise that delays can be a gift, and are often actually by design because we're not ready to move forward for some reason.
We're so conditioned to believe that process looks like moving forward quickly and consistently and that stillness = stuckness. But it couldn't be further from the truth.
Like everything in nature, we're designed to ebb and flow, to live (and create) in a cyclical way. This 9-5 hustle culture was invented because it served the system, but it does not serve our bodies, our minds or our spirits.
I learned the hard way that pushing through resistance using willpower usually led to me creating something that was half baked and wasn't going to stand the test of time. Whenever I've mentally attached to the idea of achieving XYZ this week, checking off my to do list, I tend to ignore the fact that I'm not actually clear on what I'm doing/how to do it.
Guess what? Ideas need the chance to marinate.
Bodies need the chance to breathe.
Our minds need the space to process, connect dots, integrate information. In other words, progress requires periods of stillness.
So stop being afraid of slowing down and find ways to pause regularly. It'll increase your ability to tap into your inner compass and will allow your ideas (and your Self) to mature as you ready yourself for your next up-level.
Unblocker 3: Daily Action
Real talk: Not all resistance is caused by a lack of readiness. Sometimes it's us stuck in a negative pattern that keeps looping. And learning to discern the difference has been invaluable in my own process.
What's also been crucial is creating a daily unblocking practice that forces me to create, no matter what, but not in a high-pressure way. In other words, getting things flowing in a safe space, for my eyes only.
The solution? Daily Pages.
Introduced by Julia Cameron in The Artist's Way, Daily Pages are a ritual where you sit down as early as possible in the day and free-write 3 pages straight into a journal, not to be reviewed until you've done it for 12 weeks (the length of the "course" she guides you through in her book).
This sounds like a lot of writing, and it is. But what's blown my mind during the 8 weeks (and counting!) I've been doing this. Is that these pages don't take up my daily "quota" of writing. They've led to me then writing thousands more words throughout the week. I'd even go so far as to say that I've written more in the last 8 weeks than I've written in the last 8 months combined.
The second benefit of this unblocking process is it's a built-in BS detector. As I write about my struggles and resistance, I identify the excuses I'm making, the victim mentality I'm carrying, and all the other ways I've created mental traps for myself. And as I continue writing, I create new narratives, freeing myself up from these limitations. Basically, I'm functioning as my own coach, only better. Because no coach of mine has ever had access to the rawest, most honest & vulnerable parts of me.
Unblocker #4: A to B (not A to Z)
This approach is one I use with all my clients, but taking my own advice (and holding myself accountable) has been far more challenging.
As humans, fear causes us to want to control everything to try and feel, well, in control -- even though deep down we know we're not. And what I've observed us that one of the ways we try to control things is through over-planning. Trying to map out everything we need to do over the next 12 months (and beyond) in great detail, attaching timelines and specific goals to it all.
And these plans? Impossible to follow-through on for so many reasons. Something I'll cover in more detail another time. But in short, they're unrealistic and more importantly, created by the you you are today. A you that has less clarity, understanding, wisdom and even skills than you will have at point B, C, D etc.
Basically, what we actually need is to identify point B and focus on getting there. Because in the process, we will mature, we'll get clearer on what point C needs to be and how we'll reach it. So rather than mapping out a mega plan, we need a mini plan.
What is the one thing you need to create that will function as point B?
This Substack was once a point B for me.
That "A Letter to Little Me" article was a point C.
My recently launched Magnetism Assessment was a point D.
While working on the assessment you won't believe how many times I tried to start planning other things, trying to figure out all the other pieces of the puzzle. And each time, it left me confused and overwhelmed. At which point, I'd have to remind myself that I committed to finishing the assessment. So I'd breathe, open it back up and continue.
A month or so (and plenty of "plodding") later and it was done. And by GOSH it felt good. It also bought me the time I needed to unveil sooo much more clarity about what I needed to do next.
So if you’re currently at point A, what is your point B? It can’t involve more than one project (not a multiple-part project, either!) to get there.
Unblocker #5: Self-Trust
One of the toughest things about taking action when fear is kicking in is really committing to follow-through on your ideas.
Where in the past I'd trust my instincts and dive straight in, I found myself in recent years going around and around in circles, feeling called to do something, starting, then second-guessing and reverting to more planning.
I could tell this wasn't moving me forward, yet fear said it wasn't safe for me to proceed with these ideas. So I finally decided to do a stocktake of past successes that were guided by instinct. Turns out most of the good things I did and meaningful things achieved began with a gut instinct and a ton of imperfect action. Everything that failed to launch involved me outsourcing my authority to an external source like a course, a coach or someone else's framework. Oops.
Something I recommend my clients do is create an Evidence of Awesome folder. Basically tangible proof of the things you've accomplished, things you're good at, and anything you received positive feedback for. Ironically it's been years since I added to mine. So once again, needing to take my own dang advice, I started added to it again this morning with the list of all of the ways my creative nudges led to positive outcomes over the past 10 years.
There were a lot. And what it made undeniably obvious was that my success has always been a result of bold, barely thought-out action. Never did anything involve a 47 step plan.
So using my BS detector morning pages, I made a commitment to make my actions bolder, more daring, "riskier" (in terms of reputation, not financial or practical safety). And to hold myself accountable, before I commit to actions/tasks/projects, I'll ask myself "Is this the boldest thing I can do?" and "Where am I taking the safe route?"
Now this isn't to say that you need to dive in the deep end. This is what worked for me in the past. Instead, I want you to look at what YOU did in the past to achieve success and see if you can identify anything you're doing differently today.
Unblocker #6: Experimentation
So often these 47 step plans of ours are created with so little embodied insight into what works for us, what doesn't and why. AND what often seems like imposter syndrome comes from us not having fully integrated and owned the knowledge we've accumulated.
There's a huge difference between knowledge and knowing. The former is great for creating hypotheses but the latter is what creates embodied expertise and leads to sustainable success.
As self-confessed serial course taker who's always reading about 20 (I wish I was exaggerating) books at once, it's very easy for me to get into overwhelm about what I'm learning and think I'm not ready to take action. Early-into-course-creation me also felt pressure to put what I was learning straight into my programs before I'd really integrated it all and tried it out for myself. Womp woooomp.
It's far too easy to get blocked because we feel we're trying to go from 0 to 100. We put pressure on how far we need to go, the expectations we have on the outcome etc. And yet as they say, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."
Experimentation has been the key to all of my progress in recent years. In particular, how fast I've been able to make progress when compared with my whole "Over-plan then aim for perfection" approach.
It makes the focus about the process and what we can learn from it (meaning you always win, regardless of the "result"). And it allows us to embody what we're learning so we can develop deeper belief, confidence and trust in ourselves -- something that, despite what people say, can't be faked.
My experiments have included things like...
- This Substack. Based on the hypothesis that maybe if I had a platform without a built-in audience, I'd feel safer to start sharing this new version of my content.
- Pro-bono coaching packages. I've taken on a handful of friends as clients since late last year in a limited number of session packages for free, so I had the safety and freedom to test out all of the new modalities I was using. It's been so fun, I've progressed at a mind-blowing rate, and the feedback providing valuable (yet unexpected) validation.
- Secret offers. I'd get an idea about a new way I want to work with someone, wait until I had a lead that was the ideal (in theory!) fit, and offer it to them before committing to it long term and creating all the materials. Trying it on for size and getting to see what kind of results it created for the client helped me decide whether or not to keep it.
You can experiment with a new platform, a pop-up community, a minimum viable version of an offer… anything. The key is to create a hypothesis, decide what "metrics" (and other forms of feedback) to track, and make it clear to yourself and anyone else that will be impacted by it, that it's just for a limited time. Once it's over, you can assess your findings and decide how you want to proceed.
Unblocker #7: Service
I was having a very rough start to the week with some personal happenings triggering old wounds which then led to me also feeling a lot less stable & sure of myself on the professional front. Despite my attempts to write (Daily Pages) my way out of my funk, I was still feeling quite stuck. So I reached for one of my favourite tools: a card deck. (I have many, but this one was the Rumi Oracle by Alana Fairchild -- one of my more "woo" and one that never fails to comfort me when I'm having a moment!)
The card I pulled reminded me of something I (of course) regular recommend to clients when they're feeling particularly self-conscious: Bring it back to service.
Basically, stop making it all about you and find ways to serve others. Because that is what we're actually craving, that is what will fill us back up, and - in my experience - that is the fast way to hold up the mirror you need to remember why you're doing this in the first place and why it's important you keep going.
The weeks I make it all about me and don't have enough opportunities to work with clients or simply be of service to my friends/family are always crappier weeks than the ones when I do.
And the beautiful thing about service is it requires nothing of you except a willing heart. You don't need a strategic plan, perfect copy, a beautiful website or even a functioning offer. You can be of service anywhere, anytime, for anyone. Walking down the street, at the grocery store, via iMessage, by writing a letter. The possibilities are endless.
So do yourself a favour and write yourself a "How I can be of service" list and put it somewhere you can see it. Next time you're spiralling with existential questions, I suggest you don't pass go, you don't collect $200, and instead, you pick something off that list and do it.
So many words, so little time
It seems I've outdone myself again with this mega essay. And yet I still have this feeling I'm scratching the surface. (Which, thanks to this little experiment that was the series, has shown me that this is a topic I need to go deeper with in a different format i.e. a course or program!)
While there'll be plenty more where this came from in future weeks, I also wanted to recommend some of my favourite books to help with unblocking.
1. Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done by Jon Acuff (perfect for procrastination struggles - very practical and definitely helped me when I read it years ago)
2. Whole Brain Living by Jill Bolte Taylor Ph.D. (helps you understand the internal conflict going on in your brain when you can't seem to follow-through)
3. No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz (a brilliant self-help book about "Parts Work" aka Internal Family Systems, a powerful modality I adore so much I got formally trained in it and now use it in client sessions!)
And if you'd like some personalised, hands-on support, this is literally my favourite thing to help my clients with.
That secret offer I mentioned in #6? It's called Unblock Your Brilliance, a 3-part "quest" where we'll work together to identify what's actually keeping you stuck and I'll provide tools, coaching & real-time reprogramming to help you move forward again. Shoot me an email if you’d like to learn more.
Whatever you do next, stop waiting to feel “confident” enough or less doubtful. You’ll be waiting a long time.
Remember, action is the only way to achieve this. So allow the fear and doubt to exist, say to them, "You're allowed along for the journey", and take action with them as your travel companions. But don't forget to invite faith, patience, compassion and playfulness along for the ride too.
Thanks for reading. I truly hope this helped in some way.
– Kat x
PS Whether you found this helpful or you're left with more questions, please leave me a comment below. I'd love to hear from you and am more than happy to provide some personalised guidance based on what you share!